Patience: A virtue?

What is patience? Isn't it the willingness to wait for something and to continue waiting through the hardships and struggles regardless of the outcome? But, even as I say this, I'm thinking to myself how much horseshit the "regardless of the outcome" part is of the poorly worded definition. Obviously, I want the outcome to be favorable for me. But, isn't that just wanting to control the situation? And, to what degree is this a bad thing? For me, its when the need to be patient consumes the entirety of my thoughts. It is when this need to be patient is causing me to have thoughts that create jealousy, rage, pain, or sadness. Then I just need to remind myself that what I'm feeling isn't what I really feel, instead, they are feelings brought about by the dark child that resides within me. The devil just sits there and whispers these thoughts in my head that make me question my actions, my motives, and even others. I realized that if I follow down that mindset that I end up overreacting and creating an even bigger mess. I guess I've learned to keep my mouth shut, but I can't seem to keep my mind silent.

So, I tried something today. When my mind started to wander, I breathed deeply and recited the Lord's prayer. As I turned my attention towards God, all those thoughts started to disappear. As I prayed for peace of heart, peace of mind, and as I let God fill my heart with His love, I could literally feel something leave me. I think it was that demon that was whispering to me. Funny thing was that I wasn't bothered for the rest of the night, even if my mind were to drift towards some topics I didn't want to tackle, I didn't start any mental spirals.

Anyways, what is impatience? A good friend told me recently that impatience is a form of unbelieve. Basically, you don't trust that God will handle that aspect of your life, thus, you want to have total control. Not just total control, but you also want to instruct God on how He should benefit your life. How crazy is that?! You telling God how your life should be lived. What a load of ridiculousness. Moreover, this lack of trust is just another indication that your will is not in alignment with God's will. This aspect of your life that you can't trust God with is the one thing that you hold in highest regard or what would be the satisfaction of your life.

So, I guess, that trust in God leads to patience. So is patience a virtue? Sure. But patience is also accepting the course God has planned for you.

For me, I need to keep reminding myself that God has His plan for me. Its in regards to something specific, but I'd rather not divulge what it is.

All of my life done for His glory, and may it always be so. I am but a vessel.

Profound right?