Music that touches the heart (repost from 1/31/2009)

Here goes another one of those nights where one song keeps you awake, replaying over and over again…Sometimes you want it to just stop; stop it from bringing back memories that are repressed; stop it from making tonight yet another sleepless night. You try and hold on to your sanity, grasping on to every strand of meaningless material in your head, just hoping that you will not get lost in those wistful memories of years past. As your eyes begin to cloud over with thought of yesteryear, you realize that what you dread the most was not those memories resurfacing, but those memories once again becoming reality. You see where you will be and what you will become. You see yourself without that façade, the evil mask that has hidden your true identity.

From behind the ephemeral strings of memories that cage your soul, you scream for help….help to solve your problems, to understand the meaning of your pitiful existence. You try and understand why you are lost, lost within the metaphysical. While seeking the truth about life, you find that you are unfit to bear this charge. All you see is not what life has to give but what life has failed to give. You see the faults that have defined who you are, but you have failed to accept that this identity is truly yours. In the people that surround you, you find qualities that make them superior to yourself whether it is in the physical or in the mental.

You try to be like them, and the harder you try, the harder you seem to fail. All just to be noticed for once. The more you conform to society, the more invisible you become to those around you. You used to believe that being like those around you will make you stand out more; that it will have others view you as you see them view your idols. In the end, you are just another person who has blended into the background of normalcy. You hope to impress, but all you have done is degrade yourself. You want to be someone to rely on, but all you have become is someone who does not know his own skin. You want to be a good person, but all you have done is shown your faults. You want to show that you can love, but all you see is hate.

All you want to do is find where you belong and what makes you special. As you attempt to find this, you realize that what was most important, slowly yet surely, falls away into the deep, dark crevice of memory. Finding the light necessary to fully illuminate this cave of despair and reveal all that was and is good will take time…and in this time, you will listen to music to soothe the soul. But once again, you find yourself thinking about what has been, what is, and what will be. This vicious cycle reveals to you that the bright light has always been there. It is the light that shows you these memories; it is the light that reminds you of who you are; it is the light that defines you. The light…the music...as one.