Harro...Goobai.

I walk through life. It turns around and asks me how I'm doing. I simply say, "Well, good sir, I'm covered with your innards." Life turns to me with a curious expression, nods, then says sorry and walks to the nearest door. And I, being the foolish man I am, decide to walk in the opposite direction rather than following life's every single footstep. So as life and I go our separate ways, I am left with its blood drenching me.

I need to take a shower. But, I will never be able to get these stinking remnants off me; even if I were able to, the stench would stay with me forever.

I guess that's what I get for not chasing after life.

Time to go find it. It's had a massive head start, but I will catch up one day, and we will say hello. On that day, we will become best friends and I will learn to live.

Live in the moment. The memories we create will last forever; these memories, though not captured on film, are captured in our hearts and in our minds. Let's go chase life together.

When I was a kid, I used to walk around with my eyes closed. They were sealed with tape, not that expensive clear scotch tape, but the cheap frosted scotch tape. I didn't mean to walk around with my eyes closed; that's just the way things had been since I was a small child. I saw the world only through that frosted tape: obscurity reigned.

As I grew older, I was asked countless times why I liked to live in such a hazy world. My answer: why do you like to live in such a clear world? I prefer my hazy world because I know that once I take off these goggles that I will see exactly how disgusting you are and how disgusting this world is. Now, is it not better to live in ignorance?

Who would have guessed that in the middle of the night, terror amassed with the powerful stranglehold of fate, and in one felled swoop removed that frosted glass. Oh, the unbearable pain, not from removed skin and pulled lashes, but from the freedom of the eyes. The glare of truth and rightful understanding bore its branding iron onto the very flesh of my soul. To tell you the truth, I changed that night. Perception is key.

I hid from the light, preferring the opaque grey. Neither white nor black, neither truth nor lies. A life of half-truths...or should I say half-lies. Now with eyes wide open, there was only two paths to choose. How simple the task: pick white or black. A task so simple that it was difficult: pick life or death.

I chose life, and in that life, came my death.

Dream Symphony

oh bittersweet tears of reminisce

to what do we owe the honor?

orchestra of dreams

symphony of asynchronous bows

across strings of life

rhythms of the heart duly expressed

alongside melodic waves of finely tuned expressions

harmony joins to create splendor

interwoven images of beauty

a mosaic of bleeding canvases

upon these pages

mere notes, lines, and clefs

life is written

love is found

soul is created

through my dreams

my orchestra plays

through moments of dissonance

through moments of consonance

my life rests

Patience: A virtue?

What is patience? Isn't it the willingness to wait for something and to continue waiting through the hardships and struggles regardless of the outcome? But, even as I say this, I'm thinking to myself how much horseshit the "regardless of the outcome" part is of the poorly worded definition. Obviously, I want the outcome to be favorable for me. But, isn't that just wanting to control the situation? And, to what degree is this a bad thing? For me, its when the need to be patient consumes the entirety of my thoughts. It is when this need to be patient is causing me to have thoughts that create jealousy, rage, pain, or sadness. Then I just need to remind myself that what I'm feeling isn't what I really feel, instead, they are feelings brought about by the dark child that resides within me. The devil just sits there and whispers these thoughts in my head that make me question my actions, my motives, and even others. I realized that if I follow down that mindset that I end up overreacting and creating an even bigger mess. I guess I've learned to keep my mouth shut, but I can't seem to keep my mind silent.

So, I tried something today. When my mind started to wander, I breathed deeply and recited the Lord's prayer. As I turned my attention towards God, all those thoughts started to disappear. As I prayed for peace of heart, peace of mind, and as I let God fill my heart with His love, I could literally feel something leave me. I think it was that demon that was whispering to me. Funny thing was that I wasn't bothered for the rest of the night, even if my mind were to drift towards some topics I didn't want to tackle, I didn't start any mental spirals.

Anyways, what is impatience? A good friend told me recently that impatience is a form of unbelieve. Basically, you don't trust that God will handle that aspect of your life, thus, you want to have total control. Not just total control, but you also want to instruct God on how He should benefit your life. How crazy is that?! You telling God how your life should be lived. What a load of ridiculousness. Moreover, this lack of trust is just another indication that your will is not in alignment with God's will. This aspect of your life that you can't trust God with is the one thing that you hold in highest regard or what would be the satisfaction of your life.

So, I guess, that trust in God leads to patience. So is patience a virtue? Sure. But patience is also accepting the course God has planned for you.

For me, I need to keep reminding myself that God has His plan for me. Its in regards to something specific, but I'd rather not divulge what it is.

All of my life done for His glory, and may it always be so. I am but a vessel.

Profound right?